Alone feeling lost and losing hope
So 2017 has been my worst year ever. I believe I suffer depression maybe bi polar. I don’t know.
Have been struggling financially losing home after home. And once I found a new one family came to stay and brought trouble with drugs and drinking. Got my kids and I evicted. I had no clue what was going on as I was at the hospital with my baby for almost a month.
I have a big family that won’t help all they do is judge me and gossip try to cause trouble by getting my kids taken away. Which won’t happen because everything they say are lies. My brothers or sisters won’t talk to me and I don’t want to talk to them because I know I can’t trust them. My mother is the worst she won’t even allow me or my kids at her place if we had no where to go.
When we were doing good owned a house had good paying jobs. I was the one who got my sisters and brothers out of child welfare I looked after them even though they stole off us stole our vehicle and damaged it. No matter how rough I have it I always try to stay positive but it’s hard when you have no one to talk to or understand. I always make sure my kids have what they need.
With this feeling of being alone and unwanted all I think of everyday is how to end it all. I’ve tried twice so far and the first time I did no one was there for me they were shopping I had to bus home with borrowed hospital clothes.
People say I’m messed up and maybe due to dealing with so much on my own. That’s a whole another story. I feel I have no more second chances I’m at the end. And no one even cares or tries to. My daughter told me when I die she wouldn’t care my kids father told me no one would care that no one would show for my funeral. My mother throws in my face that she has a home and I don’t. Well she is living in her mother’s condo for 500 a month.
How can people forget that they had it hard to they had problems or that I was there for them.