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I am a mom of 2 teenagers…

I am a mom of 2 teenagers. Both of my kids are extremely nice,polite and all the things a parent wants when it comes to being out in public or over at someone’s home.

However at home they don’t listen and completely defy our requests as parents. Both myself and my SO work high demand jobs and we ask the teenagers to help out around the house but it seems like they just don’t give a crap. We askand adk and ask and when we finally get tired of asking we get frustrated and yes we raise our voices but we are not physical with them.

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I am at my wits end and it is putting strain on the relationship between myself and my SO.

Both kids are between 15-17 yrs old.

Any parents out there that have been through this??? Have any suggestions??

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62 Responses

  1. Lisa Lutz Lisa Lutz says:

    It’s a teenager/generational issue, I think. They’re “safe” at home to unleash their inner frustrations. Yelling NEVER works…they’ll tune you out. Sit down & spend more quality time…they are ego-centric at this life stage, and they need more of your attention (truly). Have a meaningful conversation when attitudes aren’t escalated.

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    • Marie says:

      Agree with you Lisa ~ something in the post apparently amiss  –
      The entire family can benefit from cool-tempered, round table meaningful discussions put into practice on a regular (or when needed) basis.
      Strategize (the goal) – keep things light, enjoyable, fun (funny) and always move forward with lots of love.
      Sharing stories when growing up can help teens identify on a level playing field in knowing mom/dad or SO (are only human) had their shortcomings too … then one day … they saw the light!! Lol …

      ~ Quality time, yes “ Family-First ” Positive results (to the goal) do come… they may not show or come right away… but they come [are noticeable] – making for proud parent(s). ~

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  2. Change the wifi PW and only give it to them after they finished their chores. You can change your wifi daily.

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  3. Jason Ellard Jason Ellard says:

    Too late now. Should have been a parent from day one.

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  4. Start taking things away i.e. the internet/tv/computer/gaming devices/cell phones….

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  5. Ulani Storm Ulani Storm says:

    Take away any privileges, those are earned not given.

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  6. Teenage years I go through that sometimes as well I just take privileges games or cell phone away don’t be afraid to put your foot down

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  7. Stop asking and start telling. Remove privileges and cancel allowances. Teach them about quid pro quo. If you are still doing their laundry. Stop. I have four children and they all help around the house. We set the expectations and the rules and they listen.

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  8. I would take away privileges, the things they like to do. I have a 16 year old and we’ve created boundaries from the start (he’s lived here just under 6 months.) If he talks back, he gets called on it. Doesn’t do a chore, loses his phone and video games. It’s not easy parenting a teenager but you gotta be firm or they’ll walk all over you.

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  9. Sorry to say! No respect is a big issue in kids today! Do not become their friend first! Become a parent! They have to know what the Word NO means!!

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  10. Take away everything. TV, gaming system, computers, all of it. No more brand name clothes. You have to provide shelter, food and clothing. You don’t have to provide electronics, or extras.

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  11. I assume that being teenagers an internet connection is important to them. Change the wifi password until they complete what is asked.

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  12. Be strong! Take away all their power sources, video games, cell phones, iPads, iPods,computer, tv privileges and have a chart of what they need to do to get them back. Don’t cave when they have a tantrum, cause if you do they will see your weakness and play on it! If you stay strong, they will realize you mean business. Teens hate to be without electronic devices so it gets their attention quickly! Remind them that you pay those bills and if they don’t give you the devices you can change passwords for internet and can cancel their phones, etc at any time!

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  13. Pretty sad responses, if you have to TAKE AWAY WIFI and ELECTRONICS, bring out the big guns and an ass whopping, teens these days are assholes, need to be done, so you don’t raise assholes, geez, bubble wrap and this is what ya get! WHO’S THE PARENT?!

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  14. Julia Bryce Julia Bryce says:

    take away their ‘enjoyment’ of choice. Once they do their chores, they get one back – once a week. Ensure their needs are taken care of, but if you are purchasing their wants, stop it. They need to learn how to respect you and your SO as human beings and not as ‘givers.’ They likely will not like your new strength and determination (and you may not like their attitudes to start), but in the long run you will being doing all of you a huge favour.

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    • Julia Bryce Julia Bryce says:

      (and, if they are purchasing their own stuff because they have part time jobs, have them do an automatic transfer via their banks, every pay day, transferring at least 10% into a savings account that they do not have access to.) This will be a life lesson they will thank you for once they are older.

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    • Janet Laing Janet Laing says:

      I totally agree.

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  15. Everyone pulls their own weight in our house. We have done this from the very beginning. My kids don’t get an allowance, they earn their money just like I do. I have a 17 year old son. I know I can leave at home while I am across the country. I know he will be ok because he is responsible and will be able to look after himself and the house while we are out of town.
    They have always had chores and expectations of having them done in a timely manner.
    It teaches them life skills to be able to survive in their own.
    Looks like you have a ton of work to do. Take away privileges and their “stuff”. They need to earn it back.
    As a parent we only need to provide the basic necessities of life: a roof over their head, food on the table, clothes on their back,basic education and a safe place live ( yes, I know what I just said is gonna ruffle feathers. There are people in this world that don’t even get that. ) Everything else is luxury.
    Good luck. You are going to need it. There is going to be a ton of push back. You need to be the parent and have the follow through to make huge changes. It is not going to be easy.

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  16. Jean Freeman Jean Freeman says:

    Hahaha. It’s called having teenagers in the house. They will turn into responsible, loving adults when they have kids of their own. Have two kids, seven grandkids and four great grandkids (with another 2 on the way). Good luck with your two. I remember it well

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  17. Cindy Dato Cindy Dato says:

    I have one 15 year old son. When at home he has chores and gets paid for those chores, but lately he’s become super lazy. It comes to a point where we were telling at him, but it’s like talking to the wall! So we let him know if he continues to not do anything, things will be taken away. Everyday after school he has to unload the dishwasher. If it’s not done, he loses the internet for that night and so on. And then he cries like a 2 year old. It’s not like I’m asking him to wash windows, but a few chores everyday won’t kill him either. With having a dog who is always shedding, he needs to vacuum, which he complains. He lost his phone over vacuuming, and let me tell u his phone is his Life!! He learned his lesson fast.

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  18. Jenni Bear Jenni Bear says:

    Frick…sometimes I feel like I have to rage I order to get stuff done. Like totally “do it or die” hahahha life as a mom sheeeesh

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  19. Omg the stress is true and real !
    Listen to Thomas Glove. Stop treating them like children but young adults. Responsibilities, Consequences. No yelling, but removal of privileges ( power, toys don’t pay their phone bill, they do their laundry, a shut their bedroom door and if they trash the room they pay for repairs) fair is fair they are old enough and no what they are doing so don’t engage in arguing it will not work. Do what you can do and try to put yourself outside the situation. This all being said don’t sweat the small stuff pick your issues carefully

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  20. Lisa Hoff Lisa Hoff says:

    Check out BILY…Because I Love You. The meet in Edmonton weekly.

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  21. Change the wi fi passwords and suspend their mobile cellular plans if you’re paying for it. Tell them if want privileges they have to help around the house. Also take away any gaming systems etc,.your house your rules.

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  22. Ruth Beter Ruth Beter says:

    Tell your kids your filing for divorce and they are on their own , that ought to get their attention

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  23. This is exactly why spanking is an excellent idea. It’s too late now to spank them, but you can make their lives a living hell. Take privileges away. They don’t give a shit cuz they have no reason to give a shit. Kids fearing their parents is key. Don’t believe me just read this post lol

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    • never too late i was 16 trying to go out and party the last time i was spanked lmao

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    • It’s actually against the law to spank after age 12….. not allowed….. but hey you can try I guess but don’t be surprised if they hit ya back….

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    • And honestly if you spanked them when they’re younger, you don’t need to at age 12. The threat alone makes them move because they know mom will cuz she has. I don’t need to anymore….

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    • Well first of all… teenagers are entitled assholes! Your right they don’t give a shit. Taking away cell phones and computers doesn’t work. They don’t care. BUT… I do know what works for teenage girls.. make up. Take away their makeup.. hair products , curling irons … that stuff they can’t seem to live without. It works, well on mine it does. As for boys.. I don’t know.

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  24. Stop nagging and stop cleaning up after them.
    If they don’t want to help take everything away. Change the wifi password daily and give the password after all chores have been done. If they argue or complain don’t entertain the discussion. Pour large glass of wine and hop into warm bath

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  25. Marc Cornies Marc Cornies says:

    This sounds like the typical “millennial” way of parenting. Parenting changed in the 90’s and has gone down hill ever since. The OP’s problem is lack of respect, and when that is not established throughout the early days you’ve lost the battle already. By the time they’re teenagers you’re toast. And then you release these self absorbed, entitled assholes onto the general public for us to deal with. I certainly don’t condone excessive physical abuse but the lack of a well timed spanking or at the very least the threat of it goes a long way. Most of today’s parents will disagree, but the proof it works is out there. If all your kids hear are you squawking all the time they’ll tune you out. Take away their crap, who cares. they don’t. Draw the line in the sand early, back up your threat of discipline and for gods sake teach them a work ethic from the start. I see grown ass kids staying at home and the parents are out there doing all the yard work, chores etc. while junior is enjoying life. Lesson for the Poster and anyone thinking of having kids. Prepare them for what the REAL world is like and not what you want the world to be. It doesn’t work like that. You ill-equip your kids for the hard stuff in life and next thing you know he/she is on the next episode of “Intervention” crying the blues, threatening to off themselves. Or draining the Social programs because they screwed their lives up and want the rest of us to pay for it. And yes i have compassion for people, but it’s not unlimited.

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    • I am 30 (first memories in the 90’s). I respect and love my parents, started working at 15 while in high school, moved out at 18, worked and went to school full time at 21 and so on and so forth. My parents never spanked me once, nor their younger sons who are grown as well. We also got in the biggest trouble out of anything we did if we hit each other. Know why? Because during the hard stuff in life you don’t actually get to hit jerks on the butt. Quite frowned upon, actually.

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  26. Stacy Lynn Stacy Lynn says:

    These ladies may be able to help. Jeanette did wonders for my family. http://irelate.ca

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  27. Dawn Lacarte Dawn Lacarte says:

    Removal of all technology and wifi passwords is a great motivator for my 16 yr old…technology is a privilege not a need and therefore should be treated as such.

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  28. Change the WiFi password. Make them work for it. Better yet take the whole motom when you work lol they gonna Learn quick chores or no internet!!

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  29. Kristy Hedin Kristy Hedin says:

    No help- no extras ! Worked for me

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  30. So your teens are being…. teens..

    Shocker!!!! Cut them off till they start to help out. No wifi, phones, comp, car…. take it all

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  31. I agree with what everyone is saying about taking away privileges 100%. No contest that’s what you gotta do. But I also suggest talking to them to find out if there is an underlying problem? When I was that age my family went through a really tough time and I was left with all of the responsibility that my parents should have been carrying out. I burnt out easily, was really stressed, and had my own mental illness issues. There was often times when my mom and I would fight because she thought I was being lazy and didn’t care and I thought she was being unreasonable and didn’t understand. So yes teach them consequences and take away their privileges but if you and your SO work high demand jobs, make sure you take 5 minutes to just check in on your kids well-being. At that age I was still developing stress coping and time management and because I didn’t have a lot of support there was a lot of procrastination. Make sure they’re not stressing out over exams with school or something wrong with their jobs if they have any to see if that’s contributing to their obvious lack of motivation.

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  32. Money talks..make a chore list with set amount per chore..my parents used to do that and gave us motivation to do the chores. That was back in the 80’s so everything was under a dollar. Don’t know what vacuuming and emptying the dishwasher are worth nowadays.

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  33. Someone else mentioned this but change the wifi password everyday you want them to do a certain chore and tell them if they want today’s password they’ll need to do X, Y and Z. Change it everyday. You’ll see how fast they will do the chores

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  34. Go on strike. Don’t cook, wash, clean for them. I know there have been Facebook posts about this, but do

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  35. Don’t Know how to find them. Also try e-how. com

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  36. Omg! Story of my life! Lol the way I deal with it is I take their chargers. Watch them panic as their electronics slowly die lol then when their chores are done (there’s a daily list of one each a day) I give the chargers back lol

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  37. Shawna Perez Shawna Perez says:

    My kid was great until he turned 17 then he couldn’t hold it in anymore. I set ground rules and he moved out! Forward three years full of painful life lessons for my kid, he’s come full circle to be the good kid I raised him to be. Teenage hormonal brains are evil!! If you can make it without strangling them or jumping off a bridge, you will be relatively ok in a few years 🙂

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  38. If money is sooooooo important to you , more so than being home for your children, then you deserve what you get.

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  39. Nicole Keats Nicole Keats says:

    You ASK them?
    There’s your first problem.

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  40. Stop asking . Its not a question its what you want and expect from them . Change the wifi password until they start doing what they are told

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  41. Sue Talbi Sue Talbi says:

    My kids are 18 & 23, they both helped around the house when they lived at home, but it took a while to get them there. I tried the taking away privileges, they found away around it when I wasn’t home (single mother working shift work). But what I found that worked was, I stopped doing things for them. I stopped doing laundry cooking, dishes etc. I only cleaned up after myself and took care of myself. There was a while when the house looked terrible and they became embarrassed having friends over because they started to make comments. Slowly but surely, they came around and started fending for themselves and helping out. Now they live on their own and their homes are clean and they take good care of themselves…. and now I have a clean house to boot loll

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  42. We have a device called Disney circle it connects to our WiFi. Enabling me to turn each persons Internet on and off as I please and filter and monitor what they can have access too. My teens love it (NOT) But when they do not get what I am asking them to do it is really a great incentive

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  43. They are both old enough for jobs, make them get part time jobs and set up a chore chart, if they don’t do the chores, be sure to add a $ amount that they have to pay to have it completed for them, also, no gaming, no extras even if they buy them theirselves. until they either pay for the chore to be done or do the chore.

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  44. This may be of no use to you. But I am a mediator and coach , I offer parent/teen mediation 🙂 If you’re interested. You can PM me

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  45. Jes Woodman Jes Woodman says:

    change the passwords to the wifi , and cut off their cell phones till they smarten up … they get wifi after the chores are done for the day , and they get cell service once they do 30 days of chores , one slip up and back to square one

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