SUBMIT A POST!

I feel so hurt

I feel hurt. But maybe I am wrong so please tell me your thoughts. I would like to fix this situation.

My brother’s common law girlfriend is from another culture Phillipino and they have a 5 year old son.

The problem is occasions. Whenever I invite them, they are super busy and need 2-3 weeks notice if not more.

But they have a celebration and not say anything then get mad when I am not there.

Her sister has a birthday party today. I had no idea. Last week I sent a facebook message to say happy birthday, she replied Thank you and nothing else. How am I supposed to know they decided to have a birthday party – and at her friend’s home?

STORY CONTINUES BELOW

My brother called me now to say the party was today and they are offended I never even showed up.
I said that I was not invited. He said in their culture they don’t invite. I respect their culture but what about repsecting me?

I told him that yes, they don’t invite. They just expect everyone shows up. But not even a call or text? How am I supposed to know there is a celebration? Date, time, and even address?

ANOTHER GREAT POST:  Really Hoping for a Change

My nephew’s birthday is next week. So my brother said me being rude and if I don’t apologize, I am not allowed to come. I am so hurt, he is kicking me out of my only nephew’s birthday. Do I apologize even though I feel I did not do anything wrong? Just so I can be there with my kids.

I thought of that but it is not fair and I know next time it will repeat. Because they never tell me there is something planned, when or where so yes I will not show up again. Not being mean but I can’t be somewhere if I don’t know about it.

I called my mom and she agrees. She did not know either and dis-invited to her grandson’s birthday. She says it takes a minute to at least send a text and tell us there is an event.

It is not about culture difference but lack of respect.

Am I wrong?

77 TOTAL READS
86 SHARES
65 COMMENTS


SOME RELATED POSTS:

You may also like...

65 Responses

  1. Your brother is the culprit. He is simply pussy whipped. I would take it out on him. Why doesn’t he call you and invite you knowing their so called culture !

    [1]
  2. I am a Filipino-Canadian, and whoever told you that our culture says we don’t invite and just expect people to show up and know about the occasion is wrong. We send invitations, but we also don’t turn away those who show up without an invitation.

    [0]
    • Jae Calipay Jae Calipay says:

      Totally agree with this. It’s not about culture. I think it’s just your brother and his common law’s “thing” not to invite people and expect them. We always send invites whether it’s through mail, fb, text, or a personal invite. Also, it’s usually in advance since we know people are usually busy with their own lives..
      And yes, i am filipino.

      [0]
    • MrWonderful says:

      You will never be Canadian! You are just a foreign squatting pinoy with divided loyalties and no heritage on my land.
      Could I squat in that shithole your family defected from and call myself phillipino? No I can’t; Canadian also encompasses race and ethnicity, of which you will never be.
      Go back to asia which is overcrowded with people who do not even possess enough intelligence to drive a car properly.

      [0]
  3. What’s so hard about sending a invitation or even a txt hey you want to come? That is a really dumb situation… so not your fault!!

    [0]
  4. Rae Wright Rae Wright says:

    I would tell them to get off their high horse and settle the hell down. Then I wouldn’t show up for a friggin thing of theirs. Forget that BS.

    [0]
  5. Your brother is the one being unreasonable. He should know that you can’t possibly be expected to be somewhere without the basics, when, and where.

    [0]
  6. Sounds like something bigger is going on.. I would think that she doesn’t like his family and is telling lies. Your brother needs to wake up and stand up for his family before he has none left!

    [0]
  7. Shawna Perez Shawna Perez says:

    Cultural differences have to respected from both sides. However, it is also common sense to understand that not everyone is telepathic and can know when a party is being planned that they can attend. If the brother and CLG clearly know that you need to be informed of upcoming events and they still refuse to keep you in the loop then they are making the conscious decision to create tension with you. However, your brother may have to side with the CLG to keep the peace so the problem may actually stem with her. My ex’s family was like that too (they are from another country and culture) and I divorced my husband because of the total lack of respect his family had towards me (they hated that he married a white person and acted accordingly, even though they chose to move to a dominantly Caucasian province :S) Good luck!

    [0]
  8. If you want to be in your nephew’s life sometimes you just have to suck it up and be the bigger person.

    [0]
  9. Sit down and have a conversation with them both present. How can they expect to show up to something that you didn’t even know was happening?

    [0]
  10. Creating a mountain out of mole hill

    [0]
  11. Respect is a 2 way street

    [0]
  12. I would feel hurt too! If you want me to show up somewhere, tell me, otherwise I’ll assume nothing is planned or I’m not invited.It takes seconds to send a text…

    [0]
  13. No you’re not wrong. How were you suppose to know about their culture? You didn’t even know they were having a celebration soo do you just randomly show up on any day and say I am here for the celebration? That being said you have to decide what is worth more, this fight or your nephews birthday? I would probably apologize go to your nephews birthday then when it’s done I would talk about respecting that you’re not a part of their culture so you have no idea about their customs and no one should make you feel bad about that.

    [0]
  14. Nicole Keats Nicole Keats says:

    Your bro sound like a real piece of s**t

    [0]
  15. Cultural differences or not, you’re not a mind – reader. This situation is ridiculous if it is actually as posted.

    [0]
  16. Tyler Seguin Tyler Seguin says:

    I for sure know that Filipinos do invite people and their parties are epic, so much food lol.

    [0]
  17. Wow. Not right at all. I would gladly not go to anything of theirs ever again

    [0]
  18. So let me get this right….when you want them to attend a function. You must provide notice cause his princess too busy and won’t make time or effort to play with the common folk but when they have something going on you’re sposed to drop what you’re doing and hop to it? Did I get that right? Tell your brother and his very selfish girlfriend to go pound sand cause that’s not how it works in the real wold.

    [0]
  19. Sounds like your brother is the play doh and his spouse is starting trouble. I’d confront them BOTH with your family as well and tell them straight out.

    [0]
  20. Your brother is an ass and no you shouldn’t apologize. If this is the way she does things he should have told you how they do events and that his family is invited to every event.

    [0]
  21. Your brother is being a dick. No one in their right minds can expect people to show up for a party they know nothing about. I mean to put the child in the middle as a pawn and say family, including the grandpareny can’t come because thry didn’t arrive at a larty thry didn’t know of is bullsh*t and extremely childish.

    Honestly I would cut ties with them. Yes it will suck, yes it is the only nephew but peoplr like that are not worth the time or energy. Mail a gift to nephew but otherwise create a boundary. People willing to use their child as a pawn are not worth the effort to deal with them.

    I have a family member that doesn’t do that but expects me to change theplans my family has or commitments we have to drop everything and drive 2 hours because of something they have planned and takes offence when that is not happening because we are busy. I have no patience or time for that and had to add further boundaries to our relationship, even if it means reducing the relationship with my nephew, in order to cutout the crap.

    You have nothing to apologize for, they sure as heck do.

    [0]
  22. Bill Howatt Bill Howatt says:

    You’re brother is being a dick, so you can either be a dick back and everyone continues to be dicks for ever, or you swallow your pride and just apologize, it’s just some words, and then all is good. Sometimes we do things we don’t wanna do. It’s called being the better person.

    [0]
  23. I am good friends with many people from the Philippines. They create very elaborate invitations for events. Your brother is an idiot. It sucks that the main person who will suffer because of all of this is your sweet, innocent nephew. Your brother won’t allow his Auntie or his Grandma to come to his birthday because they didn’t attend an event nobody knew about? He needs some psychological assistance.

    [0]
  24. I dont know any Filipino who doesnt invite.We usually invite the whole town! Lol
    Your sister in law prolly have an issue with you or your family maybe? Even so, she shouldve at least sent her husband’s family an invite as respect. Talk to your brother he prolly was told to tell you guys and forgot, some men are notorious with that.
    Good luck with all the drama

    [0]
  25. I think there needs to be compromise … ok so the one side doesn’t invite and one side does …. he’s not phillipino so why he following….. they both need to respect each other’s ways! That’s it that’s all and yes you shoulda been invited ….. your brother is being ridiculous!

    [0]
  26. Rob Elger Rob Elger says:

    Tell him not to call you until he grows a pair of balls. Sounds like a drama queen.

    [0]
  27. I would apologize for not attending just to save from being kicked out of my nephews life but I would also make it VERY CLEAR that in the future you need a text or email at least a week ahead of any event so you can prepare for the event. Then if this happens again you can put it back on him. Sometimes people can be unreasonable, if it saves a relationship by apologizing do it this one time.

    [0]
  28. Your brother is a dickhead. Maybe you should have a convo with his wife. That will give you many answers. She probably holds his balls.

    [0]
  29. Lois Sunley Lois Sunley says:

    my brother is married to a Phillipino and we have never come across this … it is not a culture thing it is the wife… your brother knows how people here are she has decided to get all of you out of his life and he doesn’t see it. You have two choices show up on days something is going on … go to their house early 🙂 or walk away if your brother wants to see you and include you he will show up if not honor his wishes to end your relationship as hard as it might be. They do come to family events they are invited to but do not invite us to all events which is fine.

    [0]
  30. LuckyMe Chan LuckyMe Chan says:

    Your brother is ridiculous. Can we have his facebook so we can witch hunt him

    [0]
  31. Smoke and mirrors. He invites last minute or throws this trivial hissy fit to ease his guilt because they don’t want you there. Call a spade a spade. You have every right to be hurt. Here’s a prediction: I bet he gives flimsy excuses when he’s invited to your family events. Or leaves uber early. This problem isn’t on you!

    [0]
  32. Ruth Chalk Ruth Chalk says:

    Never been to a party but from what I’ve seen parties are a big thing and invitations would have been sent. How the hell would have anyone else known if there were no invitations that just sounds like a lame excuse for him being pussy whipped.

    [0]
  33. Better learn to become a mind reader.

    [0]
  34. Your brother is being super selfish.. deny they kids the right to know their family over being offended is a horrible thing to do to those kids!!

    [0]
  35. Warren David Warren David says:

    i am a filipino…WE DO INVITE SPECIALLY FAMILY MEMBERS..WE TAKE PRIDE IN HAVING OTHER RACES/COLORS AS OUR VISITORS/GUESTS…your brother is “UNDER D SAYA”…

    [0]
  36. Get your nephew a great gift, knock on the door and leave it on the door step. Family can be a good thing, but if some random treated you that way you wouldn’t associate with them. Somehow blood means you have to put up with epic douchebaggery. NOPE.

    [0]
  37. How do you get dis-invited when you claim they don’t issue invites..

    [0]
  38. Pat Lloyd Pat Lloyd says:

    Sounds like your brother and his partner have some issues. Don’t let them make them your issues, and make you take the blame for their lack of common courtesy. Seems like most people agree. I don’t know how you solve the problem though, if you want to remain in contact.

    [0]
  39. Mohan Gill Mohan Gill says:

    Simple logic One should not go to a event where you are not invited or informed Uninvited guests are not entertained. Knowing the customs on her and your side your brother has failed to play his part

    [0]
  40. Ty Moss Ty Moss says:

    Sometimes people don’t know they’re an asshole, so it’s your duty to let them know. Conversely, if hes an asshole and wants to continue being an asshole, you shouldn’t want to be around an asshole anyways.

    [0]
  41. Candice Ball Candice Ball says:

    She lying about the invitation thing.

    [0]
  42. Just you and your mom ask to have the nephew for the afternoon. They can enjoy no kid time and you guys can do something fun spend time together to celebrate his birthday! Family is always difficult if you have one that stirs the pot ( which it sounds like to me ).

    [0]
  43. 2 sides however I would ten to agree with you, and also if he wants you to respect HER culture you can remind him of the culture you grew up in and currently live in.

    [0]
  44. I have a Filipino in law. This is not the norm that I know of. We always get invited weeks, even a month in advance of a big celebration or dinner. I’ve always witnessed the culture being about all of the extended family, and always telling them in advance. It is not a normal thing in their culture to think you are psychic and know when,where and for whom. I would tell them if they want you there, you need to be given notice atleast a week or two in advance so you can get a gift, just like any normal Birthday invite.

    [0]
  45. Dont let a fillpino control you .they act like they own the place they work at . It might be controlling your brother . Find a better party.u dont need that kinda ppl in your life .its obvious your not in the top ten circle of ppl to know that there is a party

    [0]
  46. Send a card and gift card for your nephew and tell your brother and his girlfriend to go stuff it up their….

    [0]
  47. Doug Kassian Doug Kassian says:

    This isn’t cultural. It is a lack of respect for you, your time and what activities you have planned within your own family. It’s putting his new “family” first and forgetting about his original family (mom, sister etc. etc.). It’s sad that people make these choices, often without realizing the harm they are causing to the ones that have been closest and supported them over the years. While you are hurting today, ultimately it is him that will suffer in the long run. As for his children, they will never really get to know the crazy “auntie” (or “uncle”) they have in you. Take the high road, accept it for what it is, you may call him on it if you want (but he won’t change) and focus on what is most important to you, namely your family.

    [0]
  48. Rhon Magyar Rhon Magyar says:

    your brother needs a kick up the ass

    [0]
  49. Rhon Magyar Rhon Magyar says:

    screw the party if youre not invited. take mom and hand deliver the gifts to your nephew. just show up and that way the little guy knows youre there for him)

    [0]
  50. MrWonderful says:

    Do you make fun of your brother for having a micro-penis and thus the need to date a squint eye?
    I wouldn’t even talk with my bro if he was dating an asian and respecting a foreign culture.
    Are you sure it’s even a female? Male and female asians all look the same.
    Your brother should fuck off to asia.

    [0]
  51. I am a Filipino and I always send invites. Don’t use that Culture thing as an excuse. If anybody shows up without being invited no problem. We always have enough food . If you are a no show fine. We will party next time. Just send a present to your nephew.

    [0]
  52. dont hang around stupid people who bring you down
    like ain’t nobody got time fo dat
    i know he’s family, but wtf

    [0]
  53. Tim Jacklin Tim Jacklin says:

    Are you canadian? Of course say sorry , blow her a kiss , and find the grub.

    [0]
  54. lmao how do you know there is a party if they dont tell you, are you a mind reader, that is crazy, I dont blame you one bit for being hurt, your brother is being very disrespectful to his own family

    [0]
  55. You don’t have to be an expert on Filipino to know that this is a form of gaslighting and not some part of normal Filipino culture. I know nothing about your brother or your sister-in-law, so I could not tell you who is instigating the gaslighting or what is going on in the head of the instigator. I can tell you it’s definitely happening. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting

    [0]
  56. Lacey Jane Lacey Jane says:

    It sounds like your brother should be respecting both cultures. Maybe her culture doesn’t invite but yours and his does so why would he not let you guys know? To be honest it sounds like she is controlling cause I highly doubt he would be offended to the point that he would uninvite you to the child’s birthday. Talk to him about this. Alone. Over coffee.

    [0]
  57. I always thought the idea of showing up without an invite was “crashing”. I also think that it is bad form to throw a party at a random location and expect you to guess the time date and location in a CRASHER format and make your uninvited appearance. Sounds like they need to sit down and get some shit straight.

    [0]
  58. Just show up every evening at dinner time..eat say thanks ..

    [0]

Join the Discussion!

Hey! Why not submit a message of your own and check back tomorrow for some answers?
Honestly, what is there to lose?