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What would you do?

My husband said he was going to coffee with a friend, the friend was an old co-worker female. I trust him, but feel super uneasy about the whole thing as she’s single as well and things have been not great between us.

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So married women what are your thoughts? Married men would you do this?

I’m my opinion it’s just not something you do, I personally wouldn’t.

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20 Responses

  1. Did he tell you it was a woman and that he was going for coffee with a woman? If so, I would be ok with it. Cheating men never tell or lie. If he is upfront with you about seeing the old colleague, then i would trust him.Being friends or keeping contacts on a platonic level can be ok. I have male friends and I am loyal to my husband. He also knows when I am with these friends. I never hide it.

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  2. Katy Yorke Katy Yorke says:

    The number one thing a good marriage has is respect for the other person’s feelings. If him going out with another female hurts your feelings, he should respect and love you enough to not go.

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    • Lana Almaeva Lana Almaeva says:

      Well that kind of works both ways. There is no reason a person should give up friends over an uneasy feeling of another. He was honest where he is going and with whom and why.

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    • Katy Yorke Katy Yorke says:

      Lana Almaeva But if it hurts her feelings, then why would he want to do it? He’s OK with her feeling bad? My hubby let’s me do anything, we have trust, but if it made him feel bad, I wouldn’t want to do it because I love him.

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    • Katy Yorke you’re basically saying it’s ok to mentally manipulate your S/O into only being with you because you’re “sad”. Can he have male friends if it makes you sad? A social life outside anything other than you? That’s basically what you’re saying.

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    • Katy Yorke Katy Yorke says:

      Travis Millar it’s not at all what I’m saying.

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    • And you should trust him enough that he can go and not deal with a jealous girlfriend playing shit up in their own head about what’s going on.

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    • Lisa Barron Lisa Barron says:

      Katy Yorke because they are friends? Why would it hurt her feelings unless there is more to this story.

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    • Lisa Barron Lisa Barron says:

      Katy Yorke the number one thing in a marriage is trust

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    • Lana Almaeva Lana Almaeva says:

      Katy Yorke so it’s ok to hurt his feelings in order to make yourself feel better? Do you think the husband will feel good knowing you don’t trust him? Would he feel good knowing you don’t approve of his decision making? Would he feel good knowing that you think so little of him? Would he feel good hurting his friends feelings, because you are not feeling confident? Look I am not saying don’t compromise. Of course working together and making the other person feel good is important. I am just saying it goes both ways. Maybe they can find a better way to solve her trust issues.

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  3. Mj Mank Mj Mank says:

    Is there a reason you are Leary about his meeting with a female?? If you have no reason to be suspicious then let it be. If the mistrust comes from what is going on in your relationship then maybe you need to really look at your situation??

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  4. Lana Almaeva Lana Almaeva says:

    I am sorry, but just because you are married does not mean you should avoid 50% of the population. If you have trust issues in your relationship that is something you should definitely address and work on. Find the underlining problem and try to fix it. The trust issue is not going to go away by making your husband avoid interactions with females. If anything it could foster resentment as it could feel controlling and accusational. Men and women should be able to mix, interact, network and foster friendships just like men and men. we all live together in the same world.

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  5. Perhaps the wife should go along too? Why not? It’s kosher, the more the merrier!

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  6. I have male friends who are married. Big deal.

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  7. I am one of those people who firmly believe that men and women CAN be friends platonically with zero romantic interest.
    I worked in a male dominated industry for years and though my husband trusts/trusted me it did bother him at times that I had male friend’s. Most, too, were married but some single.
    I don’t make friends easily (or often) with women. I find many women catty, whiney and annoying. Men aren’t interested in drama (mostly lol) and I found more good in many male friends than I did with the possibility of making more girl friends.
    My husband was honest with me on a few occasions that it bugged him but he didn’t want to be “that” husband who controlled me and told me who I could and couldn’t be friends with. When I asked further it basically was communicated that though he trusted me he was in fact insecure about himself because he had been cheated on in the past (2 long term relationships/1 of which was a marriage) and he doesn’t understand how men can separate friendship from sexual desire.
    When I asked further on that topic he admitted that a few coworkers (female) he considers friends/acquaintances but they too are happily married and there’s zero sexual interest whatsoever. Period. Though he doesn’t chum outside of work, he will communicate via text or whatever if necessary and realizes that in fact he does have female FRIENDS/acquaintances, he just interacts with them differently than I do with some of my male friends. My husband and I are tight and don’t hide things from each other so it’s not a problem with us.

    As for You, I’d be more concerned if your husband DIDN’T tell you. He’s being open and honest and I think that’s important.
    If he ends up cheating, you can’t stop it, but trust is big in good times and hard times in marriage and I’d give him the benefit of the doubt and let him meet his friend. Work on and be honest with yourself about why it bothers you and see if it’s something you can change.
    All the best 🙂

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  8. If he’s given you reason to worry about her specifically, then alright, be a bit worried, but considering there’s roughly 3.5 billion women on the planet.. kind of not cool to think automatically that she meets his criteria to cheat.

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